My Why Makes me Cry and I couldn’t be happier
Tears are good. They let me know I am growing. I am releasing my emotions.
I always thought that tears were a sign of weakness. I didn’t want to be seen as a crybaby. I wanted to be strong, so I held my tears in.
My first full time boss told me I held my heart on my sleeve, as if that was a bad thing. He bullied me to be stronger. Little did I know back then that living from my heart was the best way to live.
I thought my “why” was to educate parents on being an advocate for their children. I wanted to share my son’s healing journey to provide hope and encouragement to parents whose child was just starting their healing journey.
During a sharing exercise last week, I discovered I had a deeper why. My sister died in a car accident when I was 18 years old; that one event changed my life forever. I became more compassionate. I vowed to live my life to the fullest in her honour. I also learned to push my emotions down, to hold onto my tears.
I was afraid to cry, as I feared once I began crying, I would never stop. I did not know that I needed to cry in order to process my emotions and release them.
My shoulders and neck were heavy, as I felt I had to carry the world on my shoulders. I wanted to be strong. I didn’t want to cry.
How wrong I was. During my empowerment training, I learned how to process my emotions. I learned how freeing it felt to actually just be myself. I no longer had to deny my emotions. I became free.
I lived in the heartache of grief for over 30 years. The pain I carried around with me was unbearable at times and I instinctively protected others from my pain by not letting them get too close to me. I did not want to be a burden. I have now let the tears flow. I have begun to share my story, to share my tears. I am healing my heart.
My new “why” is: I have lived with pain and sadness for most of my life and have finally learned how to release it. I assist women to release the pain from their past in order to achieve the future they desire. Along their journey, they achieve clarity, courage and confidence.
Originally published in Mompreneurs – Canadian Women in Business on September 23, 2016